Ok, maybe not the best movie mash-up on You-tube.

It's no Curious Case of Forrest Gump

or Brokeback to the Future
But heres the point, As it says, both of these films came out in 1999.

American Beauty also came out that year which is essentially the same film.

I'm only beginning to realize the impact this concentration of films had upon my impressionable 17 year old mind.

They all focus on a central character, an every-man, who has been offering his life to the machine and finds a convenient exit in order to live out his true existential calling.

These were my heros, and in many ways still are, as the movies themselves are representations of the ideas of those who would soon become my literary heroes Sartre, Thoreau, Vonnegut, Orwell, Huxley and the like, though lately I find myself reading things far less confrontational....so it goes.

Any way you want to slice it though, 1999 was a great year for movies .It was the year of Magnolia, Being John Malkovich, Titus, Payback, Dogma, and Eyes Wide Shut...though I can't say I watched that one until a few years later And, it was also the year of Office Space which is strikingly similar in theme to the big 3 above.

But if you were 17, an outsider, and had seen The Faculty, and Disturbing Behavior the year before, then you knew that the status quo were all sheep pulling their wool over your eyes anyhow. 1999 was the nail in the coffin.

Collectively we let our stubble grow, started appreciating bed-head, got familiar with eastern-thought, wore dark colors, and tried to find the back door. Our great war , tyler told us, was a spiritual war, our great depression our lives.

Those of us who didn't stay home voted for Nader.

The rest is an inconvenient history.

Batman vs. Turkeyman

The mayor of the city Batman in Turkey is suing Warner Bros and Director Chistopher Nolan for royalties from "The Dark Knight"

"The mayor is prepping a series of charges against Nolan and Warner Bros., which owns the right to the Batman character, including placing the blame for a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact that the film's success has had on the city's inhabitants"

This unprecedented lawsuit could set off a chain of similar litigations

For instance, what would keep the king of Nepal from going after 70's rock icon Bob Seger for royalties associated with the hit Katmandu



If successful, Turkey could effectively put a stand still on this years Thanksgiving Day celebrations, demanding a cut of the profits from every Butterball sold...

When reached for comment one Turkish ambassador had this to say:

"My barbor didn't know when quit...do you?"

Cryptic at best...

Though, not all cities on the world stage are behaving in such a way.

Citizens in one Japanese town are happy to share a name with another dark knight...



Of course its all just a way for this glassy eyed turk to drum up some publicity for his town that's know for little more than a high suicide rate for female outcasts. He actually has no case being that the town was named in the 50s. Long after Batman (the character) was introduced in the 30s.

If you wanna go after someone go after Danzig...You hear me Germany? Sue the leather pants off of him...and the fish net sweater...and those shitty tatoos...Man, i hate you Glen Danzig

Advancing Foreheads

Now that the election is out of the way and everyone has had a chance to settle back into thier daily lives, I think its time that we address one of the fastest growing problems in America...of course im talking about Balding-Men-Who-Shave-Their-Heads.

By my estimation this started in 1990s and reached it's tipping point somewhere around the release of the movie "Pitch Black"


Observe the 2 photos here...and instead of asking yourself..."Which guy is more likely to drive a motorcycle out of a helicopter?" ask yourself "Which guy could I trust not to sleeze on my girl?" or "Which guy would i want on my kickball team?"

You'd choose the second one every time. Why? because he doesn't look like an alien that just dug its way out of your colon and swam to the city's water supply to disperse it's alien spermatazoa amongst the good hairy people of your town.

Now dont get me wrong, As a man with an advancing forehead myself I can sympathize with the baldies. And I'll agree with you that some people should be allowed to be completely bald. Those include:

1. People with alopecia
2. Athletes
3. Old people
4. Sinead O'connor

The rest of you need to realize something.
Shaving your head isn't fooling anyone!
And by no means is a goatee distracting people to the fact that you're bald...
I'm looking at you Howie Mandell...


What's the deal with the Gypsy Earrings
You're not Mr. Clean!

It seems anyone who starts to get a little thin on top is running for the razor. While this is better than donning a toupee its the next worst thing. Instead of out-right lying...It's merely equivocating!

There was once a time when men would shave themselves bald on top and leave the sides!
These men were Samurai, histories most feared and respected warriors.



Let's take a historic look back then at who let themselves go bald naturally and who shaved

Naturally Bald:
1. Ben Franklin
2. William Shakespear
3. Pablo Picasso

Shaved:
1. Jesse Ventura
2. Ahmet Zappa
3. Various Pirates, Gypsies, and Rapists
4. Insert the guy you know here.

Even the comb-over beats the shaved-head-look!

It may be too late. This may all be in vain but...

Please!...Let yourself go bald naturally..im not saying grow a power-skullet...


but let's face it you're not a Buddhist monk and you're not going
to be starring in Transporter 3 so you may as well settle for being human.

Lazy archers are Easy targets

As I was walking out of the grocery store earlier i saw a machine that apparently dispenses dvds...i'm sure this phenomenon is well known by now in fact i remember seeing one of these machines at Mcdonalds some years ago. Anyhow...there was an ad on the screen for a movie called "College Roadtrip" Seeing this angered me in several ways which i will state now:

1. At first glance I expected that this was somebody trying to pass another college road trip movie off as legit. If i have to see the cover of one more shitty National Lampoons teenage sex romp i think I think i might find a way to kill myself with a flute.

Over the past ten years the key word in National Lampoon has obviously become poon.

2. After getting myself all worked up, I realized with a title like that it could have been a parody, who knows.... i wont look it up...this is a blog...i'm gonna speculate...Anyhow, sure if it is a parody then it is validated by the fact that these movies have become so cliche and ubiqutous...But then, you have to think about whose making parodies these days...specifically, parodies with such obvious titles...Right, those idiots who make the "Scary Movie" series and all that other disposible nonsense...if it is a parody its probably their's in which case its just a sad parody of their own inability to do anything new or interesting or even funny...Which is doubly frustrating since by making these dime-a-dozen fart reels they some how make it less original or interesting to make an actual worthwhile satire of these tropes(or it feels like this anyhow).

3. Scary Movie 2 the first and only of the "scary movie" series i dared to watch represents a milestone for me. It was the first movie i watched where I thought " i can't watch this anymore I feel like its actually making me less intellegent" and I turned it off ...David Cross how could you!
The fact that these movies continue to be made and continue to be popular touches a deep misanthropic wound that i've been trying to heal/pick since i was a teenager.

4. The best I can do is to parody the idea that this is allowed to exist which allows me to a.) feed the uncomfortible little passive aggressive demon I gave birth to in those those formative years
with little bits of tabloid style absurdity, such as this, which he can eat up and strengthen himself to tear the fabric between my sense of reason and action until i can't even take myself seriously. But, this is highly fashionible which leads me to b) Relish this chance to digest the surreal pizza of consumer culture and shit it out as humor to try and impress my girlfriend(and you dear reader).

But after the joke wears off its still there.


Which bring me to another question... Why or no HOW can anyone still care about what Britney Spears does?! And when will this joke end? What is the culture trying to prove? Are we somehow being guilt tripped into paying reverence to the monsters this culture has created? I bet you didnt realise you were in for such a rant did you?! Does Britney in some way represent to parents a worse case senario? Is she a cautionary tale? What about Lindsey Lohan does her irresponsible and shameful behavior somehow validate the more modest ethos of your average supermarket shopper?



It took me a bit to find that file...and I lost my line of thought.

So here's another disturbing nugget...

Some days you tease your beard with a fork...all the gas stations have free air...and the world seems like a hot young Mother Teresa and you've got your head in her lap.

clouds of bees form and steal your potency.

grind your gums together and groan yourself into a dream sequence

go on, let your insecurities swagger .......

Have You Forgotten?

As our nation once again mourns it's loss, I feel the time has finally come. The time to look back and say,"Ya know, as surreal and confusing as that day was for all of us(especially us mid-westerners who were really struck the hardest blow)...we really pulled together, and with our fighter's spirit said "Hey, we can do better than that.""...




Yes I'm here...tell mommy if shes going to make you read her bad poetry,
she could at least record it a little better.

Bald eagles, it seems, were affected in many ways...


This specific eagle wept huge tears...

While this one juiced up and crafted a deadly flag spear.

Others had a more defensive chameleon like response.


While the more deranged ones reacted by disembodying their heads and going translucent...perhaps in an attempt to spook potential terrorists.




This gentleman appears to be having all sorts of trouble.




Every time I watch this I have to keep a few Kleenex around.
It's kinda sad at the beginning though.



Ahhh...yes....now it all makes sense.

I haven't seen Hamlet 2, and i don't really plan to. But, I did see the preview, and I was saddened that a movie with such a great title could be such a piece of crap.

Anyhow, while I'm posting pictures of J.C. I figure I'll go ahead and post this too.

While I realise I'm not the first person to depict Jesus as sexy or even modern, I didn't derive the idea from that flaming turd(which again i haven't seen). In fact, I made this around a year ago...like everything else.






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