Thursday, December 11, 2008

Stuff thats Great in 2008

Without provocation or pretext you will now be subjected to some of my favorite things of the year 2008.

First.....Music
Mountain Goats - Heretic Pride

Fog lifts from the harbor...dawn goes down today...an agent crests the shadows of a nearby alleyway starts out this beautiful mix of songs that sounds like reading your favorite book of short stories...much like great shorts..these song earn/require repeated listenings...The goats started out recording modern classics on tape recorders..Yet its taken them little time to master the use of layered instruments, atmospherics, builds and breaks, earning them their jump from paperback to hard cover

Atmosphere - When Life Gives you Lemons, You Paint that shit gold.



The Gold box caught my eye. The title made me listen. The songs blew me away. I had no idea that anyone was making rap music like this. I'd heard the name thrown around...good thing though i never actually listened till this album. As i took a listen back through older albums, nothing really even comes close to these songs. Its 13 or so tracks of almost entirely fictional narratives that come through MC Slug's highly emotional/emotionally troubled lyrics like as many after school specials directed by Aronofsky...Lyrics and stories aside the album still kills you with its brilliant use of low key beats and samples.

Yes, the new murder by death was good...and the new tv on the radio is great, mogwai and ratatat too, but were all slight let downs....lump of montreal, don cabalerro, sigur ros, hot chip, the mars volta, ben folds, in that same catagory of albums that didn't quite live up to my insanely high expectations.

Next up Movies...

Synecdoche New York



Charlie Kaufman becomes a film-maker and his prediliction for self reference gets the treatment it deserves. If were all going around picturing our lives as movies what are we losing or gaining in the careful writing and rewriting of our own characters. Synechdoche breaks nearly every wall imaginable to expose itself to itself and to the audience. I love to see a movie or any work of art for that matter reach out so ambitiously further that its grasp. Whether or not it comes back with a fresh kill it's important that someones going to new places. Synechdoche wants not only to be a film but a new religion and nearly suceeds on every level save a few forgivable moments when it whines slightly louder than it hurts.


Mister Lonely



It's Harmone Korine's goal to bring thing to film that you haven't seem before. In Mister Lonely he gives us 1. Abe Lincoln reciting an in your face version of the Gettyburg Address while spinning a basketball and under a strobe light. 2. A seemingly invincible nun sky diving while riding a BMX. 3. Charlie Chaplin beating Marilyn Monroe. And somehow he is magicly able to spin all these sweet little pop culture gems into a movie with a plot; an interesting, engaging, and rewarding one at that with the best ending since No Country for Old Men.

Books then...
Frederick Peeter's Blue Pills


The author meets the love of his life...and then finds out she has HIV.
Instead of doing what any sane person would do which is run fast and the other way,
He does what he knows is right and what he wants to do which is stick around and get to know her. What follows is the real life story of living with, overcoming, and making great graphic fiction out of the worlds scariest disease.

I Shot a Man in Reno - Graeme Thomson


If Chuck Klosterman were more of an intellectual and less of a comedian he would have made something like this book. Which is a completely legitimate look at the history of Death songs
From Shakespeare on up through Eminem. Thomson can respect the sentimental and also keep it at a proper distance. He keeps a scientific tone yet allows for pop music to be what it is, which is something to be felt, and appreciated on a level above numbers and lists which is just what you must do if your going to delve in the stuff of the times.

Now you know what I like.

Get to shoppin' bitches!





Thursday, December 4, 2008

Puppet blog





You've probably heard of this guy Jeff Dunham...the comedian, well ventriloquist who's talent for talking with his mouth shut exceeds his ability to say anything funny. Turns out hes the hottest thing since the Macarena...his puppet shows are flying off the shelves...he even has a christmas special.

Sure, he sucks, but there's something to the fact that in the era of million dollar CG effects a guy with crappy puppets is making a killing...

Yes, the power of puppets has lasted since the dark ages...

Do yourself a favor. Draw a face on a paper bag, glue some googly eyes to a sock, or just put a potato on a stick...there will be good times...














Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A pretty cool hand



Everyone knows that a man can eat fifty eggs

One of the many wisdoms Newman gave us.

Few know though about another gift he bestowed upon us before he passed

The Fig Newman


Part of his long line of fine organic products...

While some might see this as a clever way to cash in on a good coincidence
I feel like he was offering a challenge to all of us left in his wake.

And so, having bought a box of these at my local hippie haberdasherie...im going to extend this bet

I CAN EAT A WHOLE PACK OF FIG NEWMANS

thats a net weight of 12 oz or 340 grams...approximately 18 newmans

who dares challenge me?

Stand and be counted.

Sunday, November 30, 2008



Hey there kids...i hope you dont mind me sayin' a few things about oats...

A' course everyone knows that if you add water to oats, well that's Oatmeal

But did you know, if you add water to Oatmeal you get Porridge?

Thats right, Porridge, the food of choice for Orphans and Hobos is just watered down Oatmeal.

Or, if you still want more water in your oats, so much water that theres hardly any oats at all....thats Gruel!

A favorite at prison camps.

But what about Grits?

Well, and this ain't no shit, grits is just a fancy name for porridge.

If you don't believe me, well you can just go on ahead and look it up on that there computer of yours they got numbers and shit to prove it

and i'll tell you something no scientist is gonna tell ya', you cock-eyed little sum' bitch...i eat a gallon of oats every gott damn day and it keeps my dick harder than a japanese guitar solo

Hit me

I dare you

I'LL fight ANY MOTHER FUCKER IN THIS ROOM!!

remember to check your blood sugar
and check it often
...or i'll tickle you till you bleed

Monday, November 24, 2008

Batman vs. Turkeyman

The mayor of the city Batman in Turkey is suing Warner Bros and Director Chistopher Nolan for royalties from "The Dark Knight"

"The mayor is prepping a series of charges against Nolan and Warner Bros., which owns the right to the Batman character, including placing the blame for a number of unsolved murders and a high female suicide rate on the psychological impact that the film's success has had on the city's inhabitants"

This unprecedented lawsuit could set off a chain of similar litigations

For instance, what would keep the king of Nepal from going after 70's rock icon Bob Seger for royalties associated with the hit Katmandu



If successful, Turkey could effectively put a stand still on this years Thanksgiving Day celebrations, demanding a cut of the profits from every Butterball sold...

When reached for comment one Turkish ambassador had this to say:

"My barbor didn't know when quit...do you?"

Cryptic at best...

Though, not all cities on the world stage are behaving in such a way.

Citizens in one Japanese town are happy to share a name with another dark knight...



Of course its all just a way for this glassy eyed turk to drum up some publicity for his town that's know for little more than a high suicide rate for female outcasts. He actually has no case being that the town was named in the 50s. Long after Batman (the character) was introduced in the 30s.

If you wanna go after someone go after Danzig...You hear me Germany? Sue the leather pants off of him...and the fish net sweater...and those shitty tatoos...Man, i hate you Glen Danzig

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Call for Musicians

Would the following musicians please get in touch with me.

I want to start a band.

We will be known as Shoe String Joe and the Fancy Bastards

Shoestring I think you know who you are.








P.S. I don't mind playing bass.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Advancing Foreheads

Now that the election is out of the way and everyone has had a chance to settle back into thier daily lives, I think its time that we address one of the fastest growing problems in America...of course im talking about Balding-Men-Who-Shave-Their-Heads.

By my estimation this started in 1990s and reached it's tipping point somewhere around the release of the movie "Pitch Black"


Observe the 2 photos here...and instead of asking yourself..."Which guy is more likely to drive a motorcycle out of a helicopter?" ask yourself "Which guy could I trust not to sleeze on my girl?" or "Which guy would i want on my kickball team?"

You'd choose the second one every time. Why? because he doesn't look like an alien that just dug its way out of your colon and swam to the city's water supply to disperse it's alien spermatazoa amongst the good hairy people of your town.

Now dont get me wrong, As a man with an advancing forehead myself I can sympathize with the baldies. And I'll agree with you that some people should be allowed to be completely bald. Those include:

1. People with alopecia
2. Athletes
3. Old people
4. Sinead O'connor

The rest of you need to realize something.
Shaving your head isn't fooling anyone!
And by no means is a goatee distracting people to the fact that you're bald...
I'm looking at you Howie Mandell...


What's the deal with the Gypsy Earrings
You're not Mr. Clean!

It seems anyone who starts to get a little thin on top is running for the razor. While this is better than donning a toupee its the next worst thing. Instead of out-right lying...It's merely equivocating!

There was once a time when men would shave themselves bald on top and leave the sides!
These men were Samurai, histories most feared and respected warriors.



Let's take a historic look back then at who let themselves go bald naturally and who shaved

Naturally Bald:
1. Ben Franklin
2. William Shakespear
3. Pablo Picasso

Shaved:
1. Jesse Ventura
2. Ahmet Zappa
3. Various Pirates, Gypsies, and Rapists
4. Insert the guy you know here.

Even the comb-over beats the shaved-head-look!

It may be too late. This may all be in vain but...

Please!...Let yourself go bald naturally..im not saying grow a power-skullet...


but let's face it you're not a Buddhist monk and you're not going
to be starring in Transporter 3 so you may as well settle for being human.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Jesus Swept



Really I have nothing to say...

I just realised that my first month blogging started out with an impressive 20 or so blogs..
but this past month has seen but a dissapointing 4...

This blog has a double purpose you might say

1. To make excuses and
2. To bring the number to 5(which while being but one more than four represents, as some numbers do, a leveling up.)

So, to explain myself, to my 1 loyal follower and the countless masses of you who eat up my blog on the sly...there isnt much to say

ive been tooling around with cs3 but dont have much to show for it

...oh but no one wants to to hear bitching and excuses...

I gotta get ready for halloween anyway...

I could go ahead and post 15 more blogs each featuring my favorite celebrity babies or how to turn a pretzel dog into a suitable life partner...and ratchet that blog count up...but both you and i know...its only down hill from here.

If your into number games, i've reached a glorious 100 blogs on myspace this week

www.myspace.com/theabsurdist

nevermind the pretentious URL...the blogs actaully are softened with a generous amount of potentialy disarming irony ...or there is just enough dick jokes to keep you from falling asleep...whichever you like..

This little slight of hand trick is the best I can do for now loyal follower and countless shadow dwellers...

Next time i'll have something to say before I tap you on the shoulder.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Lazy archers are Easy targets



As I was walking out of the grocery store earlier i saw a machine that apparently dispenses dvds...i'm sure this phenomenon is well known by now in fact i remember seeing one of these machines at Mcdonalds some years ago. Anyhow...there was an ad on the screen for a movie called "College Roadtrip" Seeing this angered me in several ways which i will state now:

1. At first glance I expected that this was somebody trying to pass another college road trip movie off as legit. If i have to see the cover of one more shitty National Lampoons teenage sex romp i think I think i might find a way to kill myself with a flute.

Over the past ten years the key word in National Lampoon has obviously become poon.

2. After getting myself all worked up, I realized with a title like that it could have been a parody, who knows.... i wont look it up...this is a blog...i'm gonna speculate...Anyhow, sure if it is a parody then it is validated by the fact that these movies have become so cliche and ubiqutous...But then, you have to think about whose making parodies these days...specifically, parodies with such obvious titles...Right, those idiots who make the "Scary Movie" series and all that other disposible nonsense...if it is a parody its probably their's in which case its just a sad parody of their own inability to do anything new or interesting or even funny...Which is doubly frustrating since by making these dime-a-dozen fart reels they some how make it less original or interesting to make an actual worthwhile satire of these tropes(or it feels like this anyhow).

3. Scary Movie 2 the first and only of the "scary movie" series i dared to watch represents a milestone for me. It was the first movie i watched where I thought " i can't watch this anymore I feel like its actually making me less intellegent" and I turned it off ...David Cross how could you!
The fact that these movies continue to be made and continue to be popular touches a deep misanthropic wound that i've been trying to heal/pick since i was a teenager.

4. The best I can do is to parody the idea that this is allowed to exist which allows me to a.) feed the uncomfortible little passive aggressive demon I gave birth to in those those formative years
with little bits of tabloid style absurdity, such as this, which he can eat up and strengthen himself to tear the fabric between my sense of reason and action until i can't even take myself seriously. But, this is highly fashionible which leads me to b) Relish this chance to digest the surreal pizza of consumer culture and shit it out as humor to try and impress my girlfriend(and you dear reader).

But after the joke wears off its still there.


Which bring me to another question... Why or no HOW can anyone still care about what Britney Spears does?! And when will this joke end? What is the culture trying to prove? Are we somehow being guilt tripped into paying reverence to the monsters this culture has created? I bet you didnt realise you were in for such a rant did you?! Does Britney in some way represent to parents a worse case senario? Is she a cautionary tale? What about Lindsey Lohan does her irresponsible and shameful behavior somehow validate the more modest ethos of your average supermarket shopper?



It took me a bit to find that file...and I lost my line of thought.

So here's another disturbing nugget...

At long last, i've got CS3 up and running...

I immediately started up After Effects and attempted to decipher its futuristic hyroglyphs...after failing at this, I decided to just mash my keyboard randomly...and it spit something out...
video

Then it was on to Photoshop. Like Jello and Band-aids before it, Photoshop has become so popular it's just what you call manipulating images...and for good reason...When i started with this picture of a demon it was alive and well....and a lady!



Then I thought I'd try my hand with at advertising industry's standard, Illustrator.
I've created an energy drink and i think Illustrator has allowed me to tap into my key demographic...


Now that I've completely mastered CS3 I will now be considering any job offers you may have for me...

SERIOUS OFFERS ONLY PLEASE!!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

an informal introduction to the spending of distances


Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the enreitty of snow loeaprd polputaonis be mnooeirtd and roesipoietnd sfleay in the staroptrehse bferoe the cmemnoemenct of the coming aoclpaypse. The rest of you ugly amnials can inneractie itno etxntcioin pelis. In juess name we pray. Amen.

tell yuor ulgy mom taht as soon as i get my el cmanio back from sohp, im gnnoa come oevr and tkae her on a joy ride.


when the glaaxy runs out of latieutrre, how are we gion to mualniapte the wliedsbeat pnrtecaeges?

varibilte curonoicpas of legaendry geiusens will uodnbtudley rleaotce witihn the sdvubiiosins of yuor illurosy ptnialaton.



these bognola fromations will icnaresngliy udnergo intneral rerevbreianots iannudntig the lasdpance copmeltley and compltinciag frutehr the ldscaniapng duetis. Unednrteah tehse ubenilevbale lnucmhaet stlaaigtems lies the infbelafe launggae of the nautarl unvirsee.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Some days you tease your beard with a fork...all the gas stations have free air...and the world seems like a hot young Mother Teresa and you've got your head in her lap.

clouds of bees form and steal your potency.

grind your gums together and groan yourself into a dream sequence

go on, let your insecurities swagger .......



Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dinosaurs with Hair

I woke up this morning with one question on my mind.

"What if dinosaurs had hair?"

Is it so hard to imagine?
And, as follows by the dictates of logic, "What if dinosaurs grew beards?"
Also, one must ask, for the sake of posterity, "what if dinosaurs preferred mullets?"
or other fun and exotic styles?
What this ultimately amounts to is a fresh new challenge to the scientific community, if not an entirely new field of science all its own.

Get to work boys!

Friday, September 19, 2008

Chicken Soup for the Chicken

Last week This American Life aired a story about an internet phenomenon called "scam-baiting". You know those solicitous emails you get out of the blue from some guy who has millions of dollars in some foreign country and he needs you to help him get it to the U.S.? Of course, its all just a clever way to take your money, rape your dog, and sell your children into slavery. Well, these scam-baiters do what their name implies and trick the scammers into doing some interesting and dangerous things...



However, you wont be receiving any e-mails about the Time Travel Fund, all you need be is a curious teenager googling the words "time travel" as was the way I found this, the most beautiful of all scams I've seen to date. It breaks down thus: 1. You give time travel fund 10 bucks, 2. They keep part of your 10 bucks as their fee and put the rest in a savings account to build interest, 3. Sometime in the future after they've made the smallest and largest TVs possible it is likely that the time machine will be invented (which ,aside from immortality, isn't that really the unspoken promise of modern technology), So ....4. They come back and get you and you get to take a sweet vacation in the future where most likely your progeny will try to get in your pants and you'll have to trick them into sleeping with Crispen Glover.

But back to E-mail scammers...


A couple years ago I had a correspondence with an e-mail scammer which I posted to my Myspace Blog.

Here it is in all its hugeness...Don't pretend like you've got something better to do with the next half hour!

Monday, May 29, 2006

From: Mr. Wang.
Hang Seng Bank Ltd
Sai Wan Ho Branch
171 Shaukiwan
Road
Hong Kong.
wang_lee_wang@yahoo.com

Let me start by introducing
myself. I am Mr. Peter Lee an Executive Director in the Hang Seng Bank
Ltd, Sai Wan Ho Branch. I have a mutual beneficial business suggestion
for you.

I know that this proposal will absolutely going to be a
great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect of this email,
coupled with the fact that, so many miscreant have taken possession of
the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds, thereby making it
extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate business class persons
to get attention and recognition.

There is no way for me to know
whether I will be properly understood, but it is my duty to write and
reach out to you.

Before the U.S and Iraqi war, our client Major Fadi
Basem who was with the Iraqi forces and also a business man made a
numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of
Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars(US$18.5M)
only in my branch. Upon maturity several notice was sent to him, even
during the war Three years ago (2003).Again after the war another
notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later
found out that the Major and his family had been killed during the war
in bomb blast that hit their home.

After further investigation it
was also discovered that Major Fadi Basem did not declare any next of
kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank
deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office
that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. The Eighteen
Million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars (US$18.5M) is still
lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it.

What
bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the
expiration four years six months the funds will revert to the ownership
of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.
Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as
a foreigner to front for me and stand as the next of kin to Major Fadi
Basem so that you will be able to receive his funds.

Please, if you
are capable of standing as the next of Kin to Major Fadi
Basem, you
should indicate through my private email address: (wang_lee_wang@yahoo.
com) so that I will give you more information. Absolute confidentiality
is required from you. Besides, I will use my connection to get some
documents to back up the fund so that the fund can not be questioned by
any authority.

I will give you further details of the transaction
when I receive a positive response from you and also the ration which
the money will be shared between both of us.

Treat as very urgent.

Yours Faithfully,
Mr. Wang Lee
wang_lee_wang@yahoo.com

TO WHICH I REPLIED:

Subject line: very urgent

Dear Mr. Wang

I got your email. I knew something like this was going to happen for me. My fortune cookie today said "you will do well in business". I guess i believe it now. Let me start off by saying that my son was killed in the war to liberate iraq. I have tried to find peace after his death but have found none. I know he died proudly defending his country. So you should forgive me if i dont feel sorry for Major Basim. After my loss I feel inspired to help you, and entitled to a part of that 18.5 million. maybe that will give me closure. I hope to hear from you as to how to proceed further.

God bless,

Michael MarionettaFrom: Wang Peter Lee
>To: mike mccubbins
>Subject: From Mr. Wang.
>Date: Tue, 30 May 2006 02:00:45 -0700 (PDT)
>
>Dear Mr. Michael.
>
> I am most grateful for your reply, and I seize this opportunity to thank you.
>
> I am so sorry for the death of your son for that endless war, it is really hard to endure it easily but let God take control.
>
> First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction; this is by virtue of its nature as being utterly CONFIDENTIAL and TOP SECRET. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the transaction.
>
> Actually this transaction is real, and one hundred percent risk free and does not relate to any breach of law or proceed from drugs. It is a matter of necessity to contact you for this transaction without further investigation about you, as I believe you are a responsible person.
>
> I and some of my trusted colleagues in the bank now seek for your permission to have you stand as late Major Fadi Basem's next of kin so that the fund, USD$18.5M would be subsequently transferred and paid into your bank account as the beneficiary next of kin.
>
> All documents and proves to enable you get this fund have been carefully worked out and we are assuring you a 100% risk free involvement. Your share would be 30% of the total amount. 5% has been set aside for expenses, while the rest would be for me and my colleagues for investment purposes in your country or any other country of your choice where the returns on investment will be optimal.
>
> Below is what I required from you now so that an Attorney will prepare the necessary documents and affidavits which will put you in place as the next of kin.
>
> 1. Your full name
> 2. Your contact address
> 3. Your most confidential telephone number
> 4. Fax number
> 5. Exclusive e-mail address so that I can forward to you the relevant documents for this transaction.
>
> With the above details, the Attorney will file in the Federal High court with an appropriate affidavit in order to secure a letter of probate empowering you as the close friends/next of kin/Sole Beneficiary and Trustee/Sole Executor of the Estate of Major Fadi Basem which includes the sum of US$18.5M lying in a dormant account here in our bank.
>
> Upon the approvals from the Ministry of Justice, the letter of probate will be granted in your favor which will give you the authority to request for the transfer of this money to your account. As soon as our bank receive the documents from the Attorney on your behalf, we will then forward your particulars to our correspondence bank in Europe or America which will now transfer the money to your nominated account.
>
> All these processes will be accomplished within 10 working days and the fund will be transferred to your account immediately. The very good thing about this transaction is that it will be done in a very proper and legal manner.
>
> I hope you will not betray me. As for Trust, it is a given thing that trust is earned, it is not given out lightly
>
> Waiting for your response to enable us commence without delay.
>
> Be blessed.
> Mr. Wang>TO WHICH I REPLIED:

Dear Mr. Wang,

Thank you for trusting in me. I have spoken to my wife Rachel about this and she thinks that maybe you are not legitimate. I believe that you are, but i promised her that I would ask you if you could please send to us your address and phone number instead and we will send to you our information or we could just call you and tell you it. My wife and i both think that 30 percent is a fair share. I agree with you too that trust is earned. As for the war in iraq, i will be glad when it is over so that the rest of those boys can come home safe i sometimes regret voting for George W. Bush but as you said it is in the hands of the Almighty now. This is my personal email which my wife cannot access if we can do everything over e-mail then i think that she will not know about it until we get the money. Then she will beleive it is real too.

God bless you,

Michael James Marionetta

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


From: Wang Peter Lee
>To: mike mccubbins
>Subject: From Mr. Wang.
>Date: Tue, 30 May 2006 12:10:03 -0700 (PDT)
>
>Dear friend Mr. Michael,
>
> I appreciate your quick response to this proposal; in fact you are showing the needed interest that will see us through this transaction within a short time.
>
> My real name is Williams Parker a British citizen working with the bank in Hong Kong. The attached is my international passport for your full assurance of my person, but please notes that my person remains unanimous until this deal is over.
>
> I will be sending the fund deposit certificate which was issued to Major Fadi Basem by our bank when he deposited the fund to you as we progress. As I earlier told you, I and his trusted personal accountant in the bank, and that is why I have full access to all the documents bounding this fund.
>
> It is right to communicate through telephone but when I thought of this transaction and how to go about it, I have to cut of my private telephone line to avoid eavesdrops of any kind. I am only using the office line which is only during the working hours and it is not right for me to discuss such deal with that line.
>
> I needed your information so that I will give it to the lawyer who will handle it on our behalf and also to enable me talk to you personal with public phone as that will be safer.
>
> As you said, to continue most of our correspondence through email is okay with me but please all should remain confidential until we are through which will not be latter that next 2 weeks depends on how fast you are responding to the needs.
>
> Waiting for your response.
>
> Remain blessed.
> Mr. Wang.

TO WHICH I REPLIED:

Dear Mr. Wang,

I convinced my wife to let me tell you the information you need. I hope that i can trust you with it. I believe that God would want us to go through with this we've decided to give much of the money to our church, and use some to build a memorial for our son. Do you have children?Any how here is the information that you need:

Name: Micheal James Marionetta

Address: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, D.C.

Phone ..: 1-606-NOT-REAL

It was fun wasn't it?

That was some great stuff about the nature of trust. You seem to have a pretty firm grasp of the process my "dear friend". Only, why would anyone believe that you would solicite a complete stranger to keep 18 million dollars. Find a way around that and you've got a pretty decent scam. I'm assuming you're actaully from the United States, because only an American could realise how desperately patriotic most of the U.S. is.

It's better off this way, the measly contents of my bank account wouldn't have been worth your time.

Nice work on the passport by the way.

Keep on Griftin'

Mike the MarionetteWednesday, May 31, 2006

Dear Mr. Michael.

No matter what you say or think, I will not fail to thank you for letting me that it is a mistake trying to trust you.

I am happy to know this early that I am in a wrong side.

May the Lord be with you.

Mr. Parker.



mike(to himself):

Oh the bitter taste of this new trust
Sours the simple sweet of my justice
But for being "in a wrong side"
i have miscarried my fortunes

Do humor for the smart pleasures
of letting you your mistakes
so that you may learn
none more than my name is fool

the lord is with the meak we know
for i have secured my own meakness
for my lies i inherit his company
and mistake ascend for condescend

does the keyboard hear what the heart speaks
in this wire does the ghost pace and quicken
on winged feet carries a fools contumely
to break the heart that goes for broke

the end....
Ginko Press, a printing company on the west coast is publishing the above volume. Its an illustrated book of African Scam Emails. I came upon this after reading a comics anthology they publish called Kramer's Ergot.I'm about half through Kramer's Ergot 5 (KE5) and its been holding my frail subconscious hostage for the past week. This company also happens to be in the process of reprinting all of Marshall McLuhan's works including some never in print stuff.

Anyhow i don't really know how to end this blog and its gone on too long already, and I'm gonna be late for work.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Invention is the wicked-step-mother of necessity

Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, people are finally completly happy with their lives. In celebration of this momentous occasion...lets take a look at a few inventions that made it all possible.


I thought this first one was sort of strange...it allows you to read your own thoughts...
thoughts are picked up through the roundish parts, and sent through a series of filters allowing you to think in the voice of Sean Connery, David Attenburough, Gilbert Godfried, Stephen Hawking, or virutually anyone...I'm wearing mine right now. I've got it set to Bobcat Goldwaith.

This gentleman is set to Macy Gray.


I feel this is an odd way to market a vibrator...
Can you find the invention in this next ad?
Thats right!...the Heimlich Maneuver invented in 1974 by Henry Jay Heimlich.


With your arms tucked firmly at your sides...
...You're finally free to hit your head on things really hard!

You've got your hair done and your lipstick on reeeal pretty. Your almost ready for that big date. But, if you really want to make an impression, don't forget a few drops of perfume!

Scientists have discovered the real reason masturbation makes you blind, and stepped up to do something about it...
With your hands free and your eyes protected theres no good reason to stop!


Are your lips dry and cracked? Are you pissed off and not going to take it anymore?!Rub it all over yourself and tell your mom "Fuck you Bitch, you clean out the lint trap!"

When all the architecture has crumbled, when all our bones have been reduced to ash and dust...these little puppies will still be goin' strong...
to live on forever as a testament to our ingenuity.

Monday, September 15, 2008

A Conversation with a Lady


The internet is a great place to meet new people. Sometimes 2 people can hit it off right away. There's that tiny spark...that unexplainable little feeling...sometimes you just know...this is it...

gimmekok2369: hi... anyone tthere?

epigramlaughter: hi anyone there

gimmekok2369: oh your ther :) hi...

epigramlaughter: no

gimmekok2369: a/s/l (age sex location)?

epigramlaughter: 400/impotent/mars

gimmekok2369: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at yyour profile. thought you might like to chat.

gimmekok2369: so what have you been up too epigramlaughter?

epigramlaughter: you thought wrong bitch

gimmekok2369: cool. i was just hangin out watching tv. i was getting kinda horny :) (*bushes)

epigramlaughter: then go fuck yourself

gimmekok2369: feel like a little cyber fun with me ? pleease please...

epigramlaughter: id rather eat my own prostate

gimmekok2369: i think ill just take that as aa yes... being as that im starting to get real horny here.. lol ok?

epigramlaughter: take that as a insult

gimmekok2369: alrightt :) how bout i get down on my knees in front of you and help you out of your pants?

epigramlaughter: how about you die in a house fire

gimmekok2369: tell me what you want me to do with you while i slipout of my panties

epigramlaughter: could you choke yourself while i laugh?

gimmekok2369: oh yeah babe... dont stop. while i slide my hand down between my legs and part my moist lips

epigramlaughter: use your hook instead

gimmekok2369: oh it feels so good. Im holding your pulsing cock in my hand, my shiny red fingernails dig gently into your balls, while my full, soft lips engulf the mass of your meat

epigramlaughter: how poetic

gimmekok2369: open my website so you can look at me while im sucking you. use the link in my profile!

epigramlaughter: im blind

gimmekok2369: what do you think of my pics?

epigramlaughter: i said im blind...have you no decency

gimmekok2369: shit the phone. doht stop stroking it. hold on...

epigramlaughter: when did you put a phone in my ass......your wierd lady

gimmekok2369: sorry, I have to take this call, probly take out five minutes. If you want, come to my page and lets finish this. I have my cam on there cyberfungirls dot com look for me on there

epigramlaughter: *splooge!*

epigramlaughter: sorry